Yellow-fever & Asian-Materialism.

A story of Brotherhood, False Sex-Idols and the Arc of Redemption.

Spoiler Alert: "Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself!"

I know I know…
This topic hits a nerve for many of us modern-men. Who hasn't been infected by the yellow-fever at some point in their life? Count yourself lucky if you haven't. I too was once infected with the yellow-fever. Bad, real bad as you are about to find out.

I started this blog to get into the deep & heavy shit. The shit that people don't want to talk about. The shit which is probably going to get my blog #cancelled.

This one is from the heart boys as it is part of my overall larger encompassing life story. I also feel overly-qualified to speak on this topic as someone who has emerged from the deep-trenches of yellow-fever to seek redemption. I'm sure that my thoughts on this subject are going to sound racist, perhaps they are, and that is surely wrong-think. Unsubscribe if you cannot take this sort of wild-ride. You have been fore-warned.

However... I too would like my message to reach as many people as possible so I want this diatribe to come out decently as well. Let me know how angry you are in the comments while I attempt to walk this tightrope-act. I do feel strongly that this conversation needs to happen and no-one dares have the balls to broach this topic! Everyone lacks the cajones or the general machismo to say it straight like it is. Nor do most of us have the experience to be able to peer back "through the looking glass" and "lift the veil" as I am going to attempt to do for you the reader. For me these were experiences of Deep Brotherhood, Regret, Solitude and Triumph.

So here it is, as a Brother-in-Arms of mine recently said. If I do say so myself he said it ever so succinctly & eloquently, bright young lad this one. Let's just call him BigTuna for posterity. He said:

"It’s a 21st century right of passage to get over yellow fever"

If you have ever spent any time in California this reality hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. Especially if you are a non-asian woman no-doubt as I have heard countless times when I started dating non-Asian women in Silicon-Valley:

"Wait, you are a Silicon-Valley engineer willing to date me?"

I am not making this up in the least. It seemed to be the biggest roadblock to meeting a mate for these non-asian California native-gals with the sad misfortune of growing up or living in the Bay Area. The local male population at some point decided it only wanted Asian-women! Even the Asian guys decided this. In reality any exotic-woman will do for these weak men. It is all a Larp as we will find out by the end of my story.

I was one of them once too, so let's back the fuck up so I can mansplain this better without being overly cheeky or racist. Some of my best friends have been Asian so does this give me some anti-racist cred or what? (So cringe I know) I am just digging this hole deeper and deeper for myself with each word. Hear me out though, I have more Asian street-cred than most people dare aspire to.

New England Prep Schools
I was so awkward in high school I actually sat at the Asian table during most of it. No joke, here is 14 year old freshman me. My parents send me off to a brandy new school where I know no-one, not a soul. Over an hour away from my small home-town and who the hell can I hang with and has less friends than me. The foreign-exchange program delegation apparently.

We were an awesome boarding school just outside Boston so we had loads of Asians that wanted to go to Harvard & MIT. Some of the best and brightest Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore & Thailand had to offer. The real deal. Oh man, those Thai boys were a fucking machismo bunch back then let me tell you! The motel stories they had rivaled no others. At 14 mind you, they had spent time back-home in motels with Thai street-ladies! Holy Shit, my mind was blown at 14 hearing these foreign stories of intrigue & machismo adventure. I lived with these peeps during my formative years pretty much as a foreigner in my own Country. I embraced it, these were my High School mates! I was the only "dog-faced" American boy, as they loved to call me, that paid much attention to these "monkey-faced" foreign students over the years — before you spit out your coffee at what I just said keep in mind; This was the late-90s. Back-then casual joking racism back and forth was still common to build brotherhood amongst each of our different heritages as I am sure it is still common in the construction-workplace today.

These were my Asian Brothers-in-Arms all through High-School. When the teachers went to bed, we snuck out of our dorm rooms to hang out with each other. We cooked rice and udon while we smoked Dunhills until 3AM. By day we smoked cigarettes in the boys-room while each other watched the door to make sure we didn’t get caught. We snuck out of the dorms at 3AM to hang out at the 24hr Denny's, return to class the next day with no sleep reeking of cigarettes and bad omelettes, just to see if we could get away with it! We did and we never got caught but we sure as hell did have some close moments when we didn’t all make it away from the security guards and over the fences.

These were my Asian Brothers-in-Arms with a deep-cultural-brotherhood for one another. This was exactly what I needed as a young man growing up from a small remote town in our modern world. A modern Western world dissolved from our own ancient brotherly bonds. Bonds that had been somewhat broken by a rebellious Nietzschean spirit that resides deep within the Western-man. These are the moments that build the character of a young man in our horribly conformist society which begs for homogeneity. Breaking out, Rebelling against the System. I have always been an inner-revolutionary especially in my youth. They say being a rebel is the sign of an intelligent child.

Going Mainstream in High School
Then what do you know, as if by some late-puberty luck. A strange divine intervention of late-90's cultural shift began to emerge. By the end of Junior and the start of Senior year of High School all of a sudden the Asian-kids became the interesting ones to the Cool-kids. I think it was mostly that the Cool affluent American kids began to get bored of themselves. After awhile modernity gets boring, even back in the 90s. They probably listened to too much Kurt Cobain & Pearl Jam. Perhaps they began to fetishize something that was different than themselves?

I didn’t know why it happened at the time, I didn’t care for friggin-sake! I was pretty much one of the Asians already. I already knew all of the slang. I already knew how to be respectful to Asians, still an important thing to them. I knew how to tell someone you are the "mother-of-a-dog" and a real-shitbag in their native tongue. All of a sudden to get to the more Hardcore Versace-wearing Hyundai Cargo-Ship tychoon kid, who the cool American girl all of a sudden wanted to take to the prom. The kid who barely spoke a lick of english, but had made me, moi, one-of-them by hanging out in our boxer-shorts smoking-cigarettes and eating-udon all night. All of a sudden, like an early-American Squanto, the cool Americans had to come through me, the Uncool-American who hung with the Asians, in order to really reach, approach and to understand the Asians in our school.

Me and one other American, who happened to have a Drum-Kit in his basement, and two other Japanese students even made an awesome punk-band Senior year. We were so cool at this point we bleached our hair and started getting invited to the cool-kids house parties in elite suburbs that cops had to break up when they got out of control. Little had I known when I started out as a Freshman in High School that by Senior year the lonely choices that I had made early on would turn in my favor in the end. I cannot separate Asian-ness from my High School experience at all. The experience I had was more like their experiences than it was to my own fellow-countrymen.

The College Years
Then came engineering college. Once again I was surrounded by foreign men and women but whom now sought the same engineering destiny as me. Coupled with young American men who were feeling their first taste of freedom in their lifetime. American women in STEM were non-existent at the time and probably still are, for all sorts of valid reasons that I do not want to get into today. That is not the point of this article but it is obviously related to the affliction of yellow-fever for any aspiring engineer.

During this time I pretty much only dated Asian women throughout college. I was surrounded by them. If I got invited to the underground tunnel rave parties at MIT they were there too. They were my classmates and later on after college my co-workers. They were smart and exotic and beautiful and different.

We were young American-men who were attending College to launchpad our ambitious goals as young-engineers, but we had to have some fun, right? We were ambitious and we had big dreams and we absolutely wanted to have some fun. We may have been engineering-geeks studying integrals & differential equations but we also wanted to expand our minds in the Terence McKenna sense. We weren’t studying liberals arts after all. We wanted to transcend from the tedium & humdrum of the daily engineering-studies grind. One could say we were early adopters of what we now call micro-dosing.

Asian Brotherhood, Bling, Respect & Criminal Elements in College.
It was all pretty innocent at first in College. We were young men who wanted to expand our minds but a few of us also wanted to make some money too. We were ambitious entrepreneurial-type young-lads who wanted to have a decent-exit, to go “strike it big” with the next big “start-up” post-college. In addition to an education we sought riches eventually as well.

Enter the world of illegal-mind altering substances in the early 2000’s (they are probably legal in Cali & Oregon now, do not worry guys if you are reading this!) So guess who controlled the drug supply in college? Not the white guys. The white American guys were just tiny players in this Uber-Materialistic game of money, german-cars, bling and drugs. The big players were the Asian, Hispanic and Black gangs and mafiosos who fought amongst themselves. The seriously smart-ones in the game were the Asians.

So here we go again. Who already had long-standing ties to the Asian-community? These were my peeps. Many of them knew of my faithfulness all through those hard years of not being the cool-kids living corralled by ourselves in prep-school dorms back in High School smoking cigarettes into the evenings talking of our futures. Many of them were those same Asian boys from High-School who were just in college now, still up to no-good but on a scale with more grandeur. These were kids who now had ties to even older Asians who were willing to let us noobs into the larger game of materialistic pleasures that they controlled via ancient bonds, imported drugs, big-dreams and big-money. The most ambitious of them all, the Asian hustler, the Yakuza, whatever you want to call them. We were one big team.

They were willing to let some of my other American friends play in the game too if I vouched for them. They explained to me the errors of letting a rat into our circles, an error which would most often lead to broken-bones. All of us always remained faithful to our Asian-brothers as men of our words. We never crossed one another. We always stayed brothers and faithful defenders of one another. We always repaid a lost debt no matter how it was lost. We were men of our word. We all were. I am not even sure that sort of man can still exist today in a world of contracts, lawyers, lobbyists, grifters and snitches.

Me and my engineering buddies were riding high on the hubris of fast-cars, easy money, and the materialism of youth. All whilst passing our studies for the most part. We were some real go-getters day & night. Live Fast! Play Harder! We had bling, we got robbed, we spent money on stupid-shit. Some of us got arrested. I was lucky to leave college with a small amount saved up so I could go start out with a real apartment to launch my truly legit engineering career. I was so happy to graduate from engineering college because I no longer had to look over my shoulder all the time, worried that next time I got pulled over I was going to be asked about the $30,000 in a box in the back of my VW hot-hatch.

Was this all good-stuff? Probably not. At lot of it was some fucked up & deep shit. But it sure as hell built Character and Brotherhood. A deep brother-hood with my Asian compatriots. Who the hell else would have trusted to loan me and my college buddies imported shit in hockey bags on a monthly basis as needed.

The Ultimate Asian Sisterhood cred
Let me tell you two more stories before I get to the point. Back when I was a sophomore in high school, back when I was a total loser. There was this one older Senior Korean girl that really wanted to go to the prom. Koreans are all about age-respect. If you are a younger Korean, even if just by a few months, you have to cook for your Korean elders, do their homework, clean their room or expect a harsh beat-down late at night by a gang of Koreans.

Well this older Korean girl really wanted to go the prom and she had the respect of her younger Korean Brothers of-course. What more All-American than attending it with an American boy. Well at the time the only American boy the Korean brothers knew was me. My Asian brothers worked out a deal where she'd take me, the Sophomore, to the Senior Prom. Nothing crazy happened at the Prom, just some innocent dancing then we returned to the dorm to some light ribbing from the Asian Bros. She was a very traditional girl, but this is the depth of the respect in the Korean Culture amongst its Brothers & Sisters.

Finally, to nail my Asian street-cred coffin more than most other yellow-fever men can ever lay claim to. Here is my last story of Asian-Sisterhood. I met this sweet innocent Asian girl in engineering-college. In order to not have to go back to her homeland she got an H1B job when we all graduated. Her H1B job sucked and they paid her way less money than what they put on her Work-Visa application. Less then what her brain was worth at market-rate for an engineering graduate. It did not take much convincing, I was still very materialistic and I still had yellow-fever after all. We had a sham document-wedding so she could stay in this country legally and quit her H1B job to get a killer-engineering job instead.

Woke Levels Surpassed!
See how fucking woke I was in my 20s. Mad-cred right? Putting it all on the line for one of my Asian-Sisters. Thank god she let me go with out much trouble when the relationship ultimately went to hell, as they all did. Whew... dodged that bullet.

But where is this story going exactly? What bullet did I dodge? What exactly is wrong with exclusively dating Asian women?

Why Yellow-Fever is So Wrong

"Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I will tell you all..."

How best to describe it?

The shallowness of my relationships was like building on a stagnant lagoon of vapid bromides. A weak foundation does not lend itself to a solid relationship. They were built on a foundation of quick-sand. A foundation of one thing and one thing only. A certain look, Right? How do I say it exactly? Oh the shallowness and hubris of youth. Like a signpost hanging on the old bedroom doors of my naivete, "Non-Asian Chicks Need Not Apply!"

Do I even need to explain the absolute shallowness of looking at an ethnicity like a commodity that you need to have? Looking at another person as some niche' fetish the same way some would look at a transgender disabled model. It is just that, a hedonistic materialistic-fetish of our modern society and it is wrong. I was wrong.

It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong.

The Autist-Sage
Ayn Rand may have written a lot of crazy & autistic things, but on love I suspect she was 100% correct and she had the “Disease of the Yellow-Fever” nailed to a Tee...

The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value . . .

Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself . . .

Sex is one of the most important aspects of man’s life and, therefore, must never be approached lightly or casually. A sexual relationship is proper only on the ground of the highest values one can find in a human being. Sex must not be anything other than a response to values. And that is why I consider promiscuity immoral. Not because sex is evil, but because sex is too good and too important . . .

Man will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.

-Ayn Rand the Ultimate Autist.

From Simp to Chad
Holy shit when I read that as a young man it fucking hurt me deeply. What had I been doing all those years? How could I not see that love and sex was a most noble ideal, one in which I had been wasting on a materialistic fetish. My own self-esteem issues, my own vision of myself, my own self-evaluation was off wasting sex on a tawdry desire. I was simply a Simp to the lowest value of debased yellow-fever fetishization.

Imagine all of the quality women I was missing out on all those years. Imagine instead of asking myself, "Where is she from?" I began to ask myself, "Who is she?" or "What is the character that lies deep within her?" or "Would she make a good mother, educator & companion to me & our children?" or “Do we share the same noble spirit?”. Those are the questions a young man should be asking himself. Those are the questions that lead you to find the one who deserves your noble seed. Those are the questions that lead you to find the one who deserves to bear your Children and spend eternity with.

I started dating a Swiss-girl who managed rock-bands, a University-professor from Scotland who taught Philosophy. I wanted to delve deeper and deeper into a woman’s soul and thinking both spiritually and mentally. The Swiss-girl managed to really set me straight. The relationship may have not worked out but I thank her for providing me more insight. She, correctly or incorrectly depending on your view, informed me of the body of thought that most men are chasing the myth of the "submissive" Asian woman. It is just that, a myth. Asian women are anything but submissive. Asian women actually born in Asia still have a traditional Tiger-mentality. Which brings me to my final subject which is related to the whole, worthy of mention and probably what got me on this topic to begin with.

The Nail in the Coffin: Asian Materialism
Asian's being more recent converts to modernity they tend to be very focused on materialism. You see this happen with all sorts of new immigrants brought into our Western culture. They best typify the Capitalist-Ethos even more so than the Bourgeois Capitalist-American who still feigns appreciation for "the poor". The recent immigrant espouses and caricatures Capitalist Materialism the best. The Prada-handbag. The Benz. The opulent displays of wealth. I have a good friend from Hong-Kong who had Warren Buffett write the intro to his business book so I have a lot of exposure to the Uber-wealthy Western-Capitalist meets Asian-aesthetic. They take ruthless Capitalism to the whole next level.

Is this "gape at my affluence" mentality not also part of the Western culture? Sure to some extent. But is not the Western culture also a Christian culture of revolutionary spirit for a redemption from the material plane? A revolution led by some meek carpenter guy in loin-cloths.

Dare I say, It is not my culture. At least I do not want it to be. It is a debasement from the overall spirit of man. Can I pretend it is my culture? Yes. Do I have a deep respect for my Asian brothers who still have a traditional machismo that the West has lost, damn straight I do. That law of traditional hierarchy was exactly what I needed as a young man. After some time though, after another "festival of the lights" at the exotic-girls family's house, some other Asian cultural gathering I have no connection with and the young-asians cannot even hardly explain to me why the old-asians still conduct this ritual… It gets old real fast.

I am trying to build a legacy over here which is a continuation of my culture. A reclamation of my past with a look towards the future in an Archeo-futurist sort of sense. Coincidentally this is exactly what Asians should be seeking for themselves too if only they could choose to not cast away their ancient traditions in the name of Western Modernity, Liberalism, Capitalism and Marxism. They can still turn it around. They should heed my warnings too. They can still embrace the ancient meekness of Krishna & Bhudda; whatever story of meekness that can rescue them from the modern abyss which feeds into mans own worst desires all too easily with simple psychological marketing tricks.

So that's it. That's my story. I still have a lot of Asian brothers-in-arms but most of them are successful entrepreneurs, engineers and doctors now and probably think the “Goat-man” is pretty crazy at this point. They're completely caught up in the urban-materialistic game that I seek an Arc of Redemption away from. I dearly think this is a topic that people want to talk about because so many young men are infected with it.

Repent from your yellow fever young-lads! Repent!

I'm always good for pissing off half my audience.

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